Through Stars By Your Side


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This evening I had the misfortune to hear “Transgender Woman Never Cheats” by Thai artist Vid Hiper Rsiam.

According to Gay Star News the song tells the story of “a transgender woman who reunites with her best friend she fell in love with as a teenage boy”; but is in actuality the visual representation of a trans woman struggling with her affection toward a one time (and now again) aggressor.

The clip tells two stories featuring the main characters side by side; one set in the past, and one in the present.

In the past a young girl (who appears male at the time) pines for her friend (a cis man) as they share good times together. They ride bikes, they hang out, they even get matching tattoos. After he confides in her and falls asleep, the young woman leans over to kiss him. When he wakes he is furious, attacks her, leaves her face bloody and then stands to kick her while she is down.

Despite this the two are still upset when one has to move away. The narrative implies they are left without the chance to reconcile.

The present day story sees the two main characters (with the woman now presenting as herself) unknowingly reunite. They sleep together, part ways, then return for bed upon a chance meeting. During the second encounter he sees her tattoo and they learn of their past relationship. The man is infuriated and repeatedly pushes her away, even bloodying her head in the process. He raises his fist to hurt her, but sees affection in her eyes.

At the end of the clip his anger eases and they smile to one another.

This, apparently, is a love song.

The title of the song says it all: “Transgender Woman Never Cheats.” In that alone there are myriad implications which, while appearing to be passive, sympathetic and well meaning, makes a generalization about the loyalty of trans women to their partners. In any other context this might be considered a virtuous stereotype, but when applied to a story about a woman who is beaten and abused, loyalty in spite of herself is a dangerous and misguided thing.

Her gaze toward an abusive figure is sold as endearing and as a form of enduring love that sees beyond the violence he inflicts upon her. Throughout the narrative she is understanding of him, patient, and puts her own safety aside for the sake of his coming to terms with who she is. When he does harm to her she excuses it, accepts it as normal for a man who feels conflicted, and is waiting with open arms when his anger settles.

For the women who’ve been in similar situations, counting on the rage of an abuser to subside is not a certainty. For that idea to be sold on a mass media platform is a dangerous and irresponsible thing.

The message to trans women has long been made clear; that revulsion is the ‘normal’ reaction to our existence, that recognition of our beauty is cast into the land of fetish, that violence toward us is expected, and that our affection toward other human beings (in particular cisgender men) is justification for our being murdered.

There is no fault to be laid on women who have feelings for violent partners, but to call the violence part of a “love story” is a gross idealization of what no individual deserves from a relationship.

what a perfect example of the kind of shit we were talking about. yeah, thats totally  not like really explicit serve the men shit and trans women totally dont get this shit all the fucking time our entire lives starting from when were young, on top of all the other misogyny everywhere. /bitter sarcasam

Look at these pathetic fucking notes. You’d be reblogging your asses off if this was another one about a cis woman. But you won’t see blowback for this shit going viral like it did for blurred lines, we just aren’t important enough.

Message: “Trans women, we found a niche for you to fit into as viable partners: find an abusive jerk, smile at every punch he throws, and your stockholm-syndrome-like loyalty will have us so endeared that we’ll look past your transness.”

this is disgusting

13 hours ago on April 17th, 2014 | J | 736 notes

Fem!Tenth Doctor and Rose kissing.
Drawing kisses and awesome dresses is ridiculously fun! 


Fem!Tenth Doctor and Rose kissing.

Drawing kisses and awesome dresses is ridiculously fun! 

2 days ago on April 15th, 2014 | J | 622 notes


you fucked up


2 days ago on April 15th, 2014 | J | 476,583 notes
Never ever choose. Ten/Tentoo/Rose now it's perfect


this is true. the ot3 dream is real.

There is some really, really good Rose/Ten/Tentoo stuff on Teaspoon. Just fyi

2 days ago on April 15th, 2014 | J | 6 notes







bdsm except i strap you down and make you take vitamins and drink enough water and get enough sleep and cut toxic people out of your life and give you a hug and a massage and tell you what a strong person you are

i know u tried but this still sounds…

BDSM is supposed to be safe, sane, and consensual. A sub takes care of their dom, yes, but a dom isn’t doing their job right if they’re not taking care of their sub and making sure their sub is physically, mentally, and emotionally healthy.

At least, that’s the impression I get from my research.

Can we not use sane in this context though?

The general BDSM slogan/guideline is Safe, Sane, and Consensual. I was referring to that.

I know it is, doesn’t stop it having ableist connotations

2 days ago on April 15th, 2014 | J | 12,296 notes



So, um, what do you guys have to say about these food items? I know I have a lot of international followers on here, so I’m curious, since this article looks like it is written from a purely US point of view.

Does no one else eat biscuits and gravy? Or grits? 

Also, now I’m hungry.

I can forgive pretty much everything except the peanut butter and jelly.

What sort of Godless heathen doesn’t like peanut butter and jelly?

Godless heathens that are now next on our countries-to-invade list, that’s for sure.

*stumbles in with her cane looking like she’s been speed-hobbling*’Someone mentioned biscuits? Are they buttermilk?! GIVE THEM TO ME

3 days ago on April 14th, 2014 | J | 5 notes
wat did u mean horrifying hospital stories








My friend was in the hospital for her disease for a very long ass time, she has stories of girls trying to get life-saving surgery and getting the “BUT BABIES” argument so many times, for so long, the doctors putting off saving their lives for SO LONG in favor of NONEXISTENT BABIES that they fucking DIED.

Girls that should have been going to high school with their friends, getting caught texting in class, wearing cute ass skirts, curling their hair, trying to perfect their daily makeup, flirting with whoever the fuck they wanted to flirt with … . dying of a disease that can be managed with hysterectomy because babies.

Being told they were too young to make that permanent of a decision about whether or not they wanted to have their own children … 

Having their strong feelings of wanting to simply SURVIVE being shut down because “oh you might want children when you’re older”







And nobody takes it seriously, even after they die.

Yes, natural—blues, I’m sharing your stories. Please feel free to chime in with them, I think the world needs to hear all the gruesome gory ass details.

/inhales/ Okay. I have some stories, if nonny is truly curious, or if anyone is.

I can name a bunch of girls who were in and out of the hospital with me. One of them was fourteen when she died. She had gotten her first period around age 8 or so, and so by 14 her stage 4 was supremely advanced. She was trying to convince a doctor to give her a hysto, and she received so many of the same answers I had — you’re too young, but what about babies, you do realize that you’d have to be on special HRT, etc. She finally got my doctor, our doctor. He was fighting to be able to even do an exploratory on her (this is where they open you up and check all around your organs for cysts. They check every organ). He was disallowed to do that, and was refiling to get her approved for a hysto and an exploratory. It wasn’t fast enough — she was in a grocery store with her mother, who turned away for only a second and a cyst burst next to her heart. It took out a chamber, and she instantly hit the ground. Dead at fourteen. She’s the first thing I think of when I hear “But what about babies?!?!?!” because in my opinion, she was a baby. She was a baby who didn’t deserve to have her life put in and kept in jeopardy just because of the thought of her someday producing children. Her mother didn’t give a shit about potential grandchildren, she just didn’t want to outlive her child.

Girls in high school who had gotten endometrial or cervical cancer because their stage 3 and stage 4 wasn’t treated as it should have been — with a hysto. Instead, they were forced through chemotherapies that racked their young bodies unnecessarily. These girls could have recovered from a hysto in 6 weeks and been back to happiness and high school (with lifetime management of the disease, but it is way easier post hysto to control your hormone levels, which cause all of the problems) instead of being forced through months and years of chemo that make them lose their hair and even more of their health. Getting nosebleeds, fainting and collapsing, being unable to leave a hospital bed for months.

I’ve seen a young girl who had to have a lot of surgery on her stomach because she had severe adhesions to the stomach and it caused a hole in it. I can still close my eyes and see her screaming and spitting up blood while the nurses were trying to sedate her. She’d been turned away from countless doctors and had her pains shrugged off too — because *eyeroll* PMS PAIN. For the rest of her life, she is on a special, mostly liquid diet — her stomach has trouble with solids. She spent weeks in treatment for sepsis and has a lot of internal damage from her stomach acid getting into her body.

Another girl had a hole in the kidney from a cyst bursting right next to it. Having to have an organ transplant just because you won’t cut out a useless one sounds pretty stupid and terribad to me. She’d had over a hundred cysts found in her body. Her internal organs were covered in scar tissue from the bursting of the cysts. Mine were too, being honest.

Another girl died due to surgery to try and save her life when the endo spread to her large intestine, which it can do if you don’t treat it properly. They tried to take her in to repair the damage done and remove the cancerous bits. She didn’t make it. She was fifteen.

I’ve had so many removed it was ridiculous. A lapro that was supposed to guarantee me for five years “pain free”?? Lasted me three months and I was back in and out of the hospital in pain.

One time I had internal bleeding and got turned away from the hospital without even being checked — because of where I told them the pain was. Because the doctor said that PMS pain did not qualify for the emergency room. I went to another hospital later that night, and found out about the sepsis and internal bleeding from my appendix.

These kids and I had our hormones fucked over even worse because we were put on so many different types of birth control to treat it, and so many medications to try and save the uteri that the side effects messed us up way worse than any side effect from a complete hysterectomy ever would. Having random nosebleeds, passing out, sleeping for days on end, having your kidneys end up giving out, like one girl had, because of side effects.

I think the worst part of it is a tie, to be honest. It’s a tie between being made to feel insane for years on end from not having our symptoms taken seriously — and between knowing the disease and knowing the solution, and being made to feel like we’re too stupid to be able to know whether we want a lifesaving medical procedure. Being made to feel like we’re not allowed to want our lives saved because someday, maybe baby!!!! Fuck that. Doctors who actually do give the proper treatments being raked over the coals by other doctors and med boards because of administering a life-saving surgery that removes the ability to have a baby.

These are literally children dying of cancer, and being left to die of it. Dying of disease and being given ‘treatments’ that make them suffer even worse after years of being made to feel crazy just because of the baby potential. It’s horseshit. I have survivor’s guilt something fierce because young girls, still in their early teens have died from this. I was lucky enough to live. This disease has a high potential to someday take my life, but I’m not actively sick right now because of my surgery. I’m in remission because of my surgery. I no longer experience so much pain 24/7 that I can’t walk. I experience life without constant wracking pain. 

Children shouldn’t be forced through what I’ve lived through, not when the treatment is literally. right. there. Children shouldn’t be in hospital rooms commiserating with other children about how their parents are going to be after they die. Children shouldn’t be writing their wills or signing Do Not Resuscitate orders.

Women of all ages deserve bodily autonomy.

How was that, vandigo?


(I was told, from age 13-29, that my cramps were nothing to worry about. I was given birth control pills, antidepressants, and was finally put on 40-60mg of lortab PER DAY. All of that because they felt that my ability to possibly have a child was more important than my ability to have a life. I finally got my hysterectomy 6 months ago. I have permanent nerve damage to my intestines and my bladder, but I’m alive. Fuck people who think periods aren’t serious business.)

Everytime someone adds a story to this, I am going to reblog it. Eventually I might compile all of the stories together in one long post, but for now …

I will too. I will too, because all of our stories HAVE to be heard. The sooner we are listened to, the sooner we start a generation where women will be believed, treated as people, and given the bodily and medical autonomy they so deserve.

I have permanent nerve damage from untreated PCOS and endo. I’m lucky because it’s not severe endo, but I only have half my right ovary because of cyst damage. It took THIRTEEN YEARS to be correctly diagnosed, and I have developed issues with several painkillers (absorption not addiction) because of Drs who just slowly upped the strength and dose instead of investigating. I’ve also gained a severe among of weight due to pisspoor medicating (name a HBC, I’ve been on it) and managing of my illness, which is affecting my other disabilities.

My current GP has saved my life several times by not being afraid to get things investigated. She is one in a million however, the overarching patriarchal attitudes in medicine aren’t going away any time soon. This includes “you’re too fat for a hysto” and “you’ll want kids!!” - I CANNOT CONCEIVE due to the damage PCOS/endo has caused. I will never qualify for IVF on the NHS, my partner and I could not in good conscience have a child when we need help just surviving on our own. But no. BABIEZ trump all.

3 days ago on April 14th, 2014 | J | 37 notes




3 days ago on April 14th, 2014 | J | 7 notes





bdsm except i strap you down and make you take vitamins and drink enough water and get enough sleep and cut toxic people out of your life and give you a hug and a massage and tell you what a strong person you are

i know u tried but this still sounds…

BDSM is supposed to be safe, sane, and consensual. A sub takes care of their dom, yes, but a dom isn’t doing their job right if they’re not taking care of their sub and making sure their sub is physically, mentally, and emotionally healthy.

At least, that’s the impression I get from my research.

Can we not use sane in this context though?

3 days ago on April 14th, 2014 | J | 12,296 notes


Guest post reblogged from http://brainlesionandme.com/2014/04/14/cliches-often-heard-when-dealing-with-chronic-illness/

When someone is living with a chronic illness, everyone seems to have an opinion. People will give advice on how to live and deal with said illness, advice on treatments and…

3 days ago on April 14th, 2014 | J | 292 notes